Longest Blog entry EVER!

I was recently shot and became pregnant. Despite what they say I am not mad but in fact have been involved in several interesting games in Stong - my humble abode. First up, assassins a rip roaring game involving the brutal murder of Stong citizens until only one remains. I won't bore you with the rules, but suffice to say I was murdered with toothbrush in hand at 1 in the morning by an American football player. Its not even a real game, bloody US football...stupid rip off...

I'm not bitter about it honest. Currently no champion has yet been crowned and yesterday Joe was brutally murdered in the lift by a girl. The same girl I might add who called me flippin australian, how many times must I tell them, I know I have the bod of a surfer dude and my attitude towards life is somewhat gnarly, but please I'm English. Not that there is anything wrong with being Australian mind. I mean I know my platypus from my dingo and I have always been a fan of the outside swimming pool, but seriously. The worst is when people question my ethnicity:

Random person (probably canadian) : "Oh your Australian"
Phil: "No actually I'm English"
Random person (probably still canadian) : "Are you sure?"
Phil : "Yes, yes I am"

I mean seriously I think I would know. In fact it is multicultural week here soon at York Canada and they have loads of countries flags up in the shopping centre on campus, but they don't have the union jack up. They have Sweden, Brazil...(Phil continues excessively long list)...they even have Nepal, but not the Union Jack. Thats racism! They have the rainbow gay flag up in there as well, thats not even a country. Sure, the Union Jack is on the Aussie flag and the original Canadian flag, but still it deserves pride of place on its own. I swear some of the flags they have are made up. I mean what flag is green white and red with little stars all over it? Unless Italy has recently jazzed up their flag and I have not been informed.

Take a short breather, its been a long blog entry and I should be asleep by now. Make a cup of tea, preferably green. In fact I tried green tea ice cream the other day, very...well..milky in taste. Ironic really seen as you don't tend to put milk in green tea.

Drip, drip, drip, drip, ca-caw ca-caw. Do you hear that? Thats nature that is. Its all part of the canadian experience, the rolling hills, chipmunks, the odd bear, snow, mountain dew (not the drink) and squirrels. Talking of squirrels I asked this hard looking canadian lumberjack bloke recently what his favourite colour squirrel was. Its something I often think about because they have these really cool black squirrels over here. He replied and I quote:

"My favourite colour squirrel is brown"

Now correct me if I'm wrong but no squirrel is brown, you have grey, black and red. What plonker answers brown. I tell you its a shocking day when someone tells you he loves brown squirrels. If brown squirrels had been discovered you can guarantee that 15 minutes of programming would have been dedicated to it on East Midlands today. I ain't never seen no brown squirrel. Sorry, I digress, nature isn't it grand. Over here you get to see it up close and personal and I mean personal. Allow me to tell you a little story. A couple of weekends ago I found myself on the 'emerging global leaders retreat'. I applied to go on it because it sounded poncy and I can do poncy, so I went along. It was fully paid hotel accomodation at a ski resort, free food, free drink and interesting lectures on ethics. I had my own balcony, it was that cool! So after a hard days group activities we broke for dinner. The dining hall was in a luxury conservatory, made of glass, obviously! Not the perfect place for throwinjg stones, but perfect for a buffet and what a buffet. Anyhows we are all eating when I see a whacking great deer outside the window. Now this thing is over 5 foot tall and it looks a little stressed. It is sort of running around outside in a zig zaggy motion. We all carry on eating when suddenly no more than two metres in front of me the flippin deer jumps through the window into the dining room. Now no windows were open, it was cold out, so glass flies everywhere and buffet tables are knocked over, girls are crying and I'm trying to get a pic. I failed misrably although pics should hopefully be on the way. So there is this whackin great deer in this tiny dining room with us all and its going mental and stampeding. First thing it does is head for the bar. I figured he was after a night cap, but then realised deer often were t-total. Not a lot of people know that. This bloke grabs a chair and locks the deer in a headlock to prevent it from killing us. He then, and I didn't think this was the wisest move, forces it out into the lobby. It carries on stampeding and then its shot. Real shame for the deer that. If only he'd stayed in the forest and just preyed on lost skiers. We shed a tear before tucking into our venison lunch the following day. See the photo of the window the deer came through above just to prove I am not lying. Mental it twas.

On a lighter note, later that same evening I was in the piano bar and who should be sitting there playing the piano, but one of the guys from Bjorn Again, the biggest ABBA tribute band in the world. I even had a little chat with him. Great guy! He plays a mean ABBA medley!